Decoding the "virtual" invitation of the Japanese:「今度ご飯行こうね！」

Have you ever been in this situation?

After a pleasant conversation with a Japanese colleague or friend, when you're saying goodbye, they enthusiastically say: 「今度ご飯行こうね！」 (Kondo gohan ikou ne! - Let's go eat next time!). You happily nod, eagerly awaiting a fun meal... but then days go by, and there's no message to set a specific date and time. 🥲

Welcome to one of the most interesting communication "traps" in Japan! That's the social invitation, or 社交辞令 (Shakoujirei).

Why do Japanese people do that? 🤔

It's not that they're lying or have no intention of eating with you. In Japanese culture, it's very important to end a conversation warmly and open up possibilities for the future. This sentence can be understood as:

• "I really enjoyed our conversation today."
• "I hope we can meet again."
• "Keep in touch!"

It's more like a friendly farewell than a real invitation. It's a way to maintain harmony and show goodwill without creating the pressure of having to arrange a schedule immediately. 🙏

The secret to distinguishing between a REAL invitation and a SOCIAL invitation 🕵️‍♀️

So how do you know when to get your dress ready for a meal and when to just smile and let it go? Pay attention to these signs:

➡️ Social invitation (可能性低い - Low probability):

• General, no time: Just says 「今度」(kondo - next time) or 「また」(mata - again/another time).
• No specific place or food: Just generally says "go eat," "go drink."
• Said in a hurry when saying goodbye: Often thrown out as a closing remark before going your separate ways.

➡️ Real invitation (可能性高い - High probability):

• Asks about your schedule right away: 「来週って空いてる日ありますか？」(Do you have any free days next week?).
• Suggests a specific place/food: 「駅前に新しいイタリアンできたんだけど、行かない？」(There's a new Italian restaurant in front of the station, want to go?).
• Takes out their phone/calendar to check immediately: This is the most certain sign! They really want to arrange a meeting. 📱

The ultimate trick to "turn fake into real" ✨

What if you really want to go eat with them? Don't wait! Turn the social invitation into a concrete plan. You can respond enthusiastically:

「ぜひぜひ！行きましょう！ちなみに来週あたり、ご都合いかがですか？」 (Definitely! Let's go! By the way, how's your schedule around next week?)

This way, you skillfully shift the responsibility of arranging to yourself. If the other person is really interested, they will check their schedule with you. If not, they might give a general answer like「あ、また連絡するね！」(Oh, I'll contact you again!) - and you'll have your answer. 😉

Understanding the nuance of these invitations will help you avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and be more confident in your daily communication in Japan. I wish you successful dates! 🥳