「〜てほしい」: When you want someone to do (or not do) something for you

You've probably been in these situations:

• Your best friend is a great person, but is always 30 minutes late for every appointment. 😩
• Your colleague next to you keeps shaking their leg, making it impossible for you to concentrate.
• Your partner is upset about something but stays silent, refusing to talk about it. 💬

In these moments, saying bluntly "Be on time!" (時間通りに来てください！) or "Stop shaking your leg!" (足踏みをやめなさい！) can sound a bit harsh and easily cause offense.

This is where the Japanese use a master trick: 「〜てほしい」(te hoshii).

What is 「〜てほしい」?

Simply put, 〜てほしい means "I want you to do...".

The key difference from 〜てください (Please do...) is that 〜てほしい is not a request or a command, but a way of expressing the speaker's personal desire. It focuses on your feelings: "You doing X would make me feel happier/more comfortable."

This makes the statement much softer, as it's not imposing but rather sharing an emotion.

Quick comparison:

See? やめてほしい sounds much more "personal" and less confrontational. It's like a gentle "verdict" when you've had enough but still want to keep the peace.

Let's look at real-life examples!

Instead of giving orders, try expressing your wish:

😫 To a friend who's always late:

「ごめん、次からはもう少しだけ早く来てほしいな…」 (Sorry, but next time, I'd like you to come just a little bit earlier...)

🤫 To a noisy colleague:

「すみません、もう少し静かに話してほしいです。」 (Excuse me, I'd like you to speak a little more quietly.)

❤️ To a silent partner:

「何かあったなら、隠さないで話してほしい。」 (If something's wrong, I want you to tell me and not hide it.)

The ultimate trick: 「やめてほしい」

When you want someone to stop an annoying action, the negative form 〜ないでほしい or the more direct やめてほしい (I want you to stop) is an extremely effective weapon.

「悪いけど、人のものを勝手に使うのはやめてほしい。」 (Sorry, but I want you to stop using other people's things without asking.)

It's a bit more direct than 〜ないでください, clearly expressing your annoyance, but still within the safe zone of not being considered rude.

✨ Conclusion

〜てほしい is an incredibly smart and subtle way of communicating in Japanese. It allows you to state your wishes and set personal boundaries without resorting to rigid commands.

Next time you're in a "difficult to say" situation, don't hesitate to use 〜てほしい! 😉