Don't Be That Person: 恩着せがましい

Have you ever been helped by someone, but instead of feeling grateful, you felt burdened and annoyed? 😫

For example, a colleague gives you a little help on a project, then hints in every meeting, "Good thing I was there to lend a hand!" Or a friend gives you a ride, and then goes on and on about how much trouble it was for them.

That's exactly when you need this killer word: 恩着せがましい (onkisegamashii).

🔍 Deconstructing the Meaning

This is a wonderfully visual compound word. Let's break it down:

• 恩 (on): A favor, a debt of gratitude.
• 着せる (kiseru): To make someone wear (something).
• 〜がましい: A suffix indicating an attitude of "seeming like..." or "acting as if...".

👉 Put together, 恩着せがましい describes an action or attitude of "acting as if you're forcing a coat of indebtedness onto someone else." It's not just about helping; it's about doing so with a blatant, underlying demand for gratitude and recognition, making the recipient feel pressured and indebted.

🗣️ How to Use It in Real Life

This word is typically used as an adjective to describe someone's words or attitude.

Example 1: The 'Helpful' Colleague 💼

A: 「この前の資料、僕が手伝ってあげたんだから、今回の成功は僕のおかげでもあるよね？」 (I 'graciously' helped you with that report, so you could say this success is partly thanks to me, right?)

B: （うわ…、言い方が恩着せがましいな…） (Wow... his tone is so patronizing/he's really holding it over my head...)

Example 2: 'Help' with an Agenda 😒

「『あなたのためを思って忠告してるのよ』という彼女の言葉は、いつもどこか恩着せがましい感じがする。」 (Her words, "I'm only advising you for your own good," always feel somewhat patronizing and like she's doing me a huge favor.)

✨ The Key Takeaway

恩着せがましい is different from simple bragging. Its focus is on the give-and-take relationship. The speaker emphasizes their own help to make the listener feel inferior and obligated.

Next time you encounter someone who can't stop reminding you of their good deeds, you'll have the perfect word for them. And more importantly, let's be mindful not to become an 恩着せがましい person ourselves! 😉