The Art of 'Saving Face': Master「顔を立てる」(Kao wo Tateru) to Win Over Your Boss and Colleagues.

Hello, fellow adventurer on the journey of conquering Japan!

After more than 10 years of living and working here, I've realized something: being good at Japanese isn't just about memorizing grammar or knowing a lot of kanji. It's about understanding the 'unwritten rules' of communication, the things you'll never find in a textbook. And one of the most supreme of these 'rules' is 「顔を立てる」(Kao wo tateru).

I'm sure you've been in this situation: you're in a meeting with a client, and your boss misspeaks, citing an incorrect number. Your reflex might be to correct them on the spot to show you know your stuff. But wait! In Japan, that action could be seen as a backstab, causing your boss to 'lose face' or, as they say, 「顔に泥を塗る」(Kao ni doro wo nuru - to smear mud on someone's face).

So, how do you correct the mistake without offending your boss? Welcome to the art of 「顔を立てる」 - saving someone else's face.

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🤔 What Exactly is 「顔を立てる」?

Let's break down the words:

• 顔 (Kao): Face, honor, reputation.
• 立てる (Tateru): To stand up, to make something stand.

→ 「顔を立てる」 literally means 'to make someone's face stand'. In practical terms, it's the act of behaving tactfully to protect or enhance the honor, reputation, and self-esteem of another person, especially in front of a third party.

It's not about being a sycophant or being two-faced. It's a smart communication strategy that prioritizes the harmony of the relationship (和 - Wa) over the need to be 'right'.

💡 Why is it so important?

In many Western cultures, directness and transparency are highly valued. 'The truth comes first'. But in Japan, 'Harmony comes first'. Any action that causes someone to be publicly embarrassed, no matter how small, is seen as disrupting that harmony. It creates awkwardness, silent resentment, and can damage professional relationships.

'Saving someone's face' today is an investment in your future. They will feel they 'owe you one,' they will trust you, and they will be willing to support you later. It's an invisible but extremely powerful form of social currency.

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🎬 Classic 'Performances' of 「顔を立てる」

Let's see how the 'masters' apply this skill in real life!

Scenario 1: Your Boss is Wrong in a Meeting 👨‍💼

This is the most classic situation.

• ❌ The Bad Way (Making enemies):

  • Interrupting the boss immediately: "Ah, Manager, it's not 5%, it's 7%!"
  • → The Aftermath: Your boss might nod and move on, but they'll hold a grudge. You've just made them look incompetent in front of other staff and the client. Good luck at your next performance review.

• ✅ The Master's Way (Scoring major points):

  • Option A (The Safe Route): Stay silent during the meeting. Afterwards, find a private moment and say: 「先ほどの件ですが、もし私の認識違いでしたら大変申し訳ないのですが、こちらのデータでは7%となっておりました。念のためご確認いただけますでしょうか。」 (Regarding the matter from earlier, I deeply apologize if my understanding is incorrect, but in this data, it was listed as 7%. Would you mind double-checking just to be sure?)
    • Analysis: You frame it as your own potential mistake ("if my understanding is incorrect"), turning a correction into a request for confirmation. The boss doesn't lose face and sees you as a careful and respectful subordinate.
  • Option B (The Advanced Route): During the meeting, find a way to support them tactfully. 「部長のおっしゃる5%という視点もございますね。補足させていただきますと、最新の調査では7%という数字も出ておりまして、この点も含めて検討できればと存じます。」 (The perspective of 5% that the Manager mentioned is certainly one way to look at it. If I may add, the latest survey also shows a figure of 7%, and I think we could consider this point as well.)
    • Analysis: You don't negate the boss's statement; you acknowledge it ("the perspective of the Manager"), then gently introduce the correct information as a 'supplement'. You've corrected the error while elevating your boss. Masterful!

Scenario 2: Giving Credit Humbly 🏆

Your project was a huge success thanks to your brilliant idea. At the celebration party, the big boss asks who came up with it.

• ❌ The Bad Way: "That was my idea!"

  • → The Aftermath: True, but not wise. You'll be seen as someone who only thinks of themself, forgetting the team's effort.

• ✅ The Master's Way: 「ありがとうございます。これも〇〇部長のご指導と、チームみんなの協力があったからです。」 (Thank you very much. This was only possible thanks to the guidance of Manager 〇〇 and the cooperation of everyone on the team.)

  • Analysis: You are 立てる (saving face) for your boss and the entire team. The boss looks like a great leader, the team gets recognition. Everyone is happy, and you are seen as a humble team player. Next time, everyone will want to work with you.

Scenario 3: The Client Makes a Mistake 🤝

The client forgot to send a crucial document, stalling the entire project.

• ❌ The Bad Way: "Because your company has not sent the document, our work is delayed."

  • → The Aftermath: You're placing the blame squarely on them. The client will get defensive and annoyed.

• ✅ The Master's Way: 「こちらの確認不足で大変恐縮ですが、先日お願いしておりました資料の件、その後いかがでしょうか。」 (I'm terribly sorry for our lack of follow-up, but regarding the documents we requested the other day, I was wondering what the status is?)

  • Analysis: You take the blame yourself ("our lack of follow-up") to 'save face' for the client. They don't feel criticized and will quickly send you the document with an apology. The relationship is preserved.

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Conclusion: The Strength of Knowing When to 'Bow'

「顔を立てる」 isn't weakness or phoniness. It's a high-level social skill, a demonstration of emotional intelligence. It shows that you have foresight and prioritize the long-term success of the group over the momentary satisfaction of your ego.

Next time you find yourself in a tricky situation, pause for a second and ask yourself: "How can I save the other person's face here?"

Just this small shift in your approach will make your relationships in Japan incredibly smoother and stronger. That is the highest level of 'Japanese fluency'. 😉