Decoding 「Maruku Osameru」: The Art of ‘Rounding Off’ Conflicts in Japan ⭕

If you've lived in Japan long enough, you'll encounter a reality that can be quite frustrating: In a heated debate, Japanese people often don't care about who is right or wrong. What they care about most is how to bring the matter to an amicable end.

Welcome to the world of 「丸く収める」(Maruku osameru) – the art of "rounding off" all sharp edges to return a situation to a state of harmony. 🤝

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1. What does 「丸く収める」 actually mean? 🤔

「丸く」(Maruku) means roundly, without sharp corners. In the Japanese mindset, conflicts and disputes are like polygons with sharp edges. If left as they are, they will clash and damage the surrounding relationships.

「収める」(Osameru) means to settle, manage, or put away.

Put together, 「Maruku osameru」 is not about finding justice or making a clear black-and-white distinction. It is the skill of settling things smoothly, making all parties feel "satisfied enough" to preserve the collective harmony (Wa - 和).

2. Philosophy: Peace over Truth ⚖️ vs 🕊️

In the West, when there's a dispute, people usually look for logic and evidence to determine a winner and a loser. But in Japan, making someone lose face (covered in the tip about 「顔を潰す」) is considered extremely insensitive.

Someone skilled at 「Maruku osameru」 knows how to:

• Make everyone yield a step: Even if you are 90% right, you should still take 10% of the blame to give the other person an "exit strategy."
• Use ambiguous language: Instead of saying "You're wrong," they say "Perhaps there's a slight misunderstanding here."
• Prioritize the long-term: They would rather take a small hit now in exchange for a stable relationship in the future.

3. Real-life Scenario: When you are the mediator 🏢

Imagine you are a team leader with one Japanese staff member and one non-Japanese staff member. They are arguing fiercely over a workflow process.

• Standard Solution: Check the company manual and back whoever is following the rules.
• The 「Maruku osameru」 Solution: You don't take sides immediately. You invite both for coffee, listen to both, then say: "I understand both of your intentions. Perhaps the current regulation is a bit vague (blaming the system). This time, let's follow A's method slightly but include B's standards as well. You've both worked hard on this."

Result? No one wins 100%, but no one loses face either. The issue is settled "roundly."

4. "Magic Phrases" to round off issues 🗣️

To become a master mediator, you need these "social lubricants" in your pocket:

• 「まあまあ, お互い様ということで...」 (Maa maa, otagaisama to iu koto de...): Now, now, let's just say both sides are equally responsible/worked equally hard.
• 「今回はこの辺で折り合いをつけませんか」 (Konkai wa kono hen de oriai wo tsukemasen ka): Why don't we find a compromise at this point for today?
• 「穏便に済ませましょう」 (Onbin ni sumasema shou): Let's settle this quietly and peacefully.

5. The Downside of "Rounding Off" ⚠️

Of course, everything has a price. If you always try to 「Maruku osameru」, core problems might never be fundamentally solved. They are simply "swept under the rug" to maintain a peaceful facade.

However, in a group-oriented society like Japan, if you don't know how to "round things off," you'll soon be labeled as aggressive (Kogekiteki - 攻撃的) and find yourself isolated.

💡 Final thoughts from 10 years of experience

Living in Japan, sometimes winning an argument is the fastest way to lose a relationship. Don't strive to be the "most right" person; strive to be the most sophisticated person. When you know how to 「Maruku osameru」, your boss will trust you with sensitive tasks, and your colleagues will love you for the sense of security you provide.

Remember: Square wheels might stand firm, but only round wheels go far! 🚗💨

Have you ever had to "swallow your pride" and round off an issue even when you were 100% right? Share your story with me!